I Found Something Not Good In A Mud Mask
“I’ll do a mud mask,” I thought to myself. Thousands, possibly hundreds of thousands of people in quarantine had the same thought, maybe even at the same time. I unscrewed the cap, peeled off the little foil protective circle and squoze a blob of clay onto my pointer finger. I should’ve stopped then, when it smelled weird. Not rotten, but def not right, it kinda smelled like someone dumped draino in a cantaloupe. I smeared the dollop on my forehead anyway, then another on each cheekbone. “Why am I doing this? It does not smell good.”
That’s when I noticed big black chunks of… tires? It looked like pieces of rubber. They were black, hard, and all over my face. “Yeah I’m done with this,” I said out loud in the bathroom mirror that I’ve windexed ten times in the last five days. I went to screw the lid back on when I saw a little point sticking out of the tube. “Noooooooo,” I thought as I pulled a thin, two-inch wobbly thing out of the tube’s mouth. “Oh my god please don’t be a hair,” I thunk while I rinsed off the mud to make sure it wasn’t just like, I dunno, a piece of plastic? Some thread? A fish bone? I wished it was a fish bone. Nope. It was a hair. I put the hair and the mask in the trash where it belonged.
As I turned on the shower to wash off the chemical garbage, my face started to burn. What the hell did I just smush into my precious face skin? I was in the beginning of a horror movie, the first person to get zombie-fied, who then goes and bites all her friends at the beauty swap.
I hopped in the shower and washed it off. My face immediately stopped burning. But jesus, what was that mask? Where did it come from? Was it decomposed body-mud from the East River? I have no idea where or when I got it. I’m just tryna use up old beauty products like everybody else in quar.
What I do know is that for about ten minutes, I completely forgot that I’m gonna be stuck indoors indefinitely while the world fights a pandemic. Honestly, I suggest a having beauty scare. It’s better than whatever low-budge movie Netflix is suggesting to you today.
